What's Wrong With My Parents

I can't believe I'm actually complaining like this. I have two loving parents, and I complain about them like a spoiled brat when there are kids out there who have neither and still manage.

But I have to. I see so many things wrong with how they're raising me and my siblings that I have to say something.

For starters, they have absolutely no respect for us, and I know this for a fact. It's the main thing that I hate about them with all my heart. Our opinions don't matter, our emotions are good-for-nothing to them. They don't care what we think, they do whatever the hell they want with us, with our lives, as long as it benefits them in some way.

Like right now. They're planning to move to Anaheim after the school year ends because it's better over there (right now we live in Bellflower), and that means that my siblings will have to switch schools again. (I'm going to college next year, so I won't be switching high schools) They have absolutely no idea what they've put us through the past few months because of their decision to move, and now they're not even hesitating to do it again. I couldn't give a crap how much cheaper it would be to live there- I would never put my kids through what I went through, especially twice in two years. They really have no respect for us, and I can't believe that they even have the audacity to demand the highest rerspect from us when they can't even manage any sort of return. Yeah, I respected them- they were my role models growing up. They sacrificed so much for me and my siblings, but now they're starting to show their true colors. Now that we're actually having opinions and goals that differ from theirs, they can't handle it. When we were kids, we just followed like blind mice, but now that we're old enough to choose for ourselves, they can't handle the fact that we're choosing differently than what they expected, than what they wanted.

And I laugh because they sit there and tell us everyday that everything they do, they do for us when they don't even know who we are anymore. They make choices for us when they're completely unaware that we're fully capable of making these decisions ourselves. They say we're still immature when they won't even let us grow up. Being grown up means being to handle yourself independently, and I can't do that when I can't even make choices for myself. That's the part of growing that I'm missing because of my parents- to make my own decisions and to live with the consequences, but they're so scared of the consequence that they're hiding me from it. I'll tell you what, everything good in my life that's happened is because I defied my parents. No lie. If I would've obediently followed my parents the past 17 years, I would've missed so many opportunities that have come to be the highlights of my life. Those choices I made, even the ones that didn't work out, I did behind their back, because I would've never got anything done with them. I can never grow up while they're in control of my life, and the bitter irony is that all they've been wanting me to do is to grow up.

That Missing Piece

That feeling, that indescribable emotion, has been bugging me for as long as I can remember and it won't go away. A longing would be the best way to describe it.

But here's the thing- I don't know exactly what I'm longing for.

Confusing, I know, and whenever you have this conflict inside your head, the stress is magnified even further.  It feels like some part of my life is missing. Try to imagine my entire entity as a jigsaw puzzle. It's mess right now with everything I'm going through, but I'm missing pieces I need to complete it and see the whole picture.

No, I don't think it's got anything to do with the life I left behind in North Carolina; this feeling, this longing has been bothering me WAY before moving had become a problem in my life. I just really wish I knew where that missing piece is, or what it is. No, I don't have to pull the pieces together now- that would ruin the  process of life, where I could sit back in the end of it and laugh at how the pieces all fit together and I never even saw it. I don't wanna know now: I just want an idea, a big picture if you will.

Is that missing piece the key to everything? And what is "everything"? What would the big picture look like if I find this piece? I got a couple of ideas of what it could be though...

If I had to bet, I'd say that it'd be a person. Someone who comes into my life and changes everything. It sounds so selfish if I say that it's a girl, but if I'm right, she'll be what I've been looking for, what I'm writing about, at this very moment.

I don't really think that it would be a religious piece that I'm missing. I feel as spiritually sound as a Catholic- not perfect, but sound. My religion is such a big part of my life- it is my life- and I'd be really surprised if that last jigsaw piece is a huge epiphany about my faith because I think this missing piece is something I never had. You never know though, the one thing the big man upstairs has showed me repeatedly is that He's always got a trick up His sleeve.

Thinking more about it just puts my brain into a bigger knot than what it originally was, and it's a waste of time because thinking more about it won't actually do anything. That last puzzle piece will come, and I will solve it. What'd I'd do just to know...

I guess there's only one way to find out.

I'm Back (Stronger Than Ever)

Well I haven't posted in a while, and I apologize to you, my very small audience. I've told you about my move across the country and how strongly I felt against it, and now as I'm typing this, I'm glad I was wrong. Everything's looking up for me here, and I'm just glad I can finally see some light again. So much darkness, so much uncertainty and desolation has surrounded my life the past few months and I didn't know how long I could keep carrying that burden.

My first few months here was the toughest of my short 17 year-old life. I feel so terrible complaining about moving to a bigger city when people out in the world are suffering, but I literally lost everything, my friends were simply irreplaceable and losing them felt like losing a part of myself. It was ridiculous how low I had gotten, those of you who know me would've never recognized me. But it wasn't just how I looked- my entire subconscious couldn't let go. I just couldn't find peace, and my whole life was thrown into chaos. I had so many sleepless night because I would dream of seeing them again, to smile with them, to laugh with them, to give them the hug I never gave when I left...

It sounds so pathetic I know, a 17 year-old kid complaining about moving to California, destined to do bigger and better things, but that's not what it felt like when I got here. It felt like I lost my entire world. A world I created with my bare hands, that I depended on more than anything else, I lost in the blink of an eye. One plane ride and I was taken from my world 2,517 miles away.

Yeah, it's a sad story but its a huge weight off my shoulder to say that all that's behind me. Showtime saved my life, believe it or not. For those of you who don't know, Showtime is a show choir you audition for in the high school I'm attending right now, and I don't know how I'd still be functional without them. We are such a close-knit family and I'd have fallen apart already if it wasn't for them. They were the friends I needed, and I have no right to complain. I can't help but smile right now- when I was about to fall apart, they took my pieces and put me back together, and they don't even know it. When I carried the world on my shoulder and I didn't know how much I had left in my tank, they shouldered my load, and they'll never know how grateful I am that they saved my life. They have no idea how much they have already done for me just by being there when I needed them, by loving me even though I was just a stranger who could sing with them.

Now I'm ready to rebuild. The great friends I lost, I'll restore, even though they never left. Friends that close to my heart could never completely leave me, and even switching coasts certainly won't change that. Yeah it sucks that I can't share moments with them like I have for half my life, but they'll always be a part of me that I'll never lose. Moving has given me the opportunity to share this strong friendship, my love and simply my character with people across the country. It extended my circle of friends coast to coast, and only now do I see that as a blessing. This is my senior year, and with all the will in my soul I'll make it a memorable one, with the greatest friends by my side and a heart full of hope.

I Don't Have To Be a Millionaire To Be Happy

Now that I'm going off to college in a year, my parents are getting real sensitive about my choices of which course to take. I remember when I'd come up with the most outrageous things they wanted to be when I grew up and they'd just laugh, but now when I say something more realistic but still a little crazy, they'd go off. They want me to take a course that'll make a lot of money, a career that'll make me rich and happy. But I don't need all that. I'd rather get by and love what I do rather than have a 6-digit salary and regret my whole life not taking a chance on doing what I'm passionate about. I know that they're only looking out for me, but this is the only way I'm ever going to be completely happy is to take this chance. If it doesn't  work out, oh well, and I'd rather have life full of "oh wells" than "what ifs." Even if I fail, I have enough faith that the big guy upstairs won't let me hit rock bottom, and even give me the strength to get up and keep trying.

I wanna major in Video Game Design and pursue a career as a video game designer. I not only love playing video games, but love the creativity and story behind each game. I can be a very creative guy, and creating and designing video games would be a dream come true, but its a big risk. The job hunt is extremely competitive, and my parents want to have a lot of job security. The pay is good - just under 100K per year, and more than that if you can rack up some experience - but there isn't a lot of job security (it is recession-proof, however). You could lose your job if the company you're working for thought they didn't need you, but I love the industry and what they do. So yeah, I'm willing to risk it, because I'd love my job. I wouldn't have to work a day in my life if I loved what I do, and my parents don't understand. They're basically the only thing in the way from doing what I wanna do, which sucks cuz they're my parents. I'd be happy to have this career even if it doesn't make me a millionaire that can buy all the material things I desire. I would just be happy, and in this day and age, people are too blind to see how to get to that.

The Good Guy Problem

I hear it all the time, I can't stand it!

"Where are all the good guys at?" We're in your friend zone, that's where were at! Girls take nice guys for granted and place them as friends, but when they're looking for people to date, they don't even look in their circle of friends.

We, as gentlemen, would actually need to be friends with girls first before we try to make a move,  but the girls take it the wrong way and think all we're trying to be is friends. No, we're not trying to score, we're trying to date somebody we know and love. And then you fall for the douchebag that knows how to act like he's the greatest boyfriend in the world, but the second you leave, he's back to being a jerk, usually talking about how he'd tap you, but you never see it -_- I know, if I want to change this, I need to do something about it myself, but guess what? I'm stuck in the friend-zone... no, I didn't post this cuz I just got friend-zoned; I've been friend-zoned multiple times, as with millions of other gentlemen, and I'm trying to bring it to every girls attention that some of the best guys they're desperately searching for are their best friends.

The Move

Well, the dread day of my existence has finally arrived: I moved to California. Its as bad as i thought it was gonna be, not that this place was gonna be terrible, but that I was gonna miss everyone I loved back in Lumberton. My parents have no idea how close I was with my friends over there and how much I valued them being a part of my life. They didn't know that I'd have rather spent time with my friends than be with them, or how much I enjoyed hanging out with them than my parents; they had no idea how much I loved them. I just can't believe it's over, one year short.

Oh, what I would've done to get one more year with them. One more year to laugh with them, one more year to smile with them, one more year to have fun... with them. But my parents are blind to that. They think are friends are like toys, once you lose some, you can always get more. Friendship isn't like that - yes I'll probably lose most of them after high school, but they could've just left it that way. After high school. One more year. A year to say goodbye properly, to go our separate ways like I had planned. But again, my parents are blind to that. How they see life is different from how I see it: to benefit yourself at all cost, to make as much money so you can be happy; that's what they see, and that's what they want for me. My happiness comes from my relationship with other people and if I enjoy the life I'm living. All the other things don't matter - money, luxury, material items - I won't care about all that if I'm happy with my life. I know I have the ability to choose whatever I want for my life and not follow what my parents want for me, but I had to make a sacrifice I didn't wanna make for opportunities I didn't necessarily want - not right now anyway.

You can call me a dumbass if you want for wanting trade in a better opportunity for high school friends, but I told you, all I wanted was one more year, and making me sacrifice this much when I didn't even have a say in it goes against everything a parent should stand for. This move affects me the most no matter what anybody else says - one year of high school left, and a college choice that's gonna affect my entire life - and I had no input into it. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my parents - I just hate their decision. They weren't thinking about me when they made their choice, they were thinking about my future. That's all they think about, and they miss what's going on with me even when it happens right in front of them. Their vision of my future is a complete waste if they can't even see what I have right now, and with this decision, they missed it big time.

Some Inspirational Quotes By Famous Human Beings

"Our deepest is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us-it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others."

One of my most favorite quotes in all of history. Gives a lot of insight into the purpose of achieving some sort of greatness. Achieving doesn't make others fearful of u, it makes you a gleaming example for others. As we succeed, our success is meant to be an inspiration to the whole world, to tell them they too, are capable of what we have done. It grants them courage to break away from their petty fears and make an effort to become what they desire.

"Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do"

You won't believe how many geniuses and talents I've seen lose their way mainly because they feel that they're not good enough to achieve whatever they wanted. They didn't even try. No, you won't be able to do certain things in this world that you believe you need, but focus on what you do have and what you can do with it. The things you don't have won't matter because it was never in your grasp. Just because you lack some ability in one thing doesn't mean its should stop you from trying.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."


There is no time like the present. This is speaking from experience, which is more than you would expect from a 17 year-old. The past is only there as a guide. It shows you where to go next based on what you've done, so you can't look back too long or you'll get too caught up with what's already done with. Its great to plan ahead, but setting your gaze too far ahead will cause you to miss what's right in front of you. Being prepared for the future is fantastic, but its useless if you don't take care of what's going on right now. 

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."


Staying alive is not good enough. I could be living on the curb, homeless and no future and still be alive. Being alive and living life is not the same thing. Life has so much to offer, you could make so many memories with the people you care about, but you're letting something stop you from experiencing that. Once you miss it, its gone - there's no second chance. So many people miss out on it, and that is something they need to to add to their list of regrets, because it is literally a once-in-a-lifetime chance. You only have this life to do something that matters, 

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."


Death will never wait for you to get ready. It won't give you the chance to prepare yourself and do the things you wanna do before you permanently leave this world. That's why you do it now, so when you are ever called to leave unexpectedly, you'll be a little bit more content with what note you left this world in. That's the only thing thing you are in control of- now and what you do during it. 

"We must be the change we want to see in the world."


I hear so many complaints about what is wrong in our society, the ills of mankind, the troubled generation, etc, etc...and what I hate is, they're a part of all these things they're complaining about! They rant about all the things they see wrong when they're contributing to it! I know it's not my place to judge, but if you really wanna see changes, it must start with you. That doesn't mean that when you make a change that the world will soon follow; it means that you can't get the world to change when you as an individual refuses to change yourself. You can complain all you want, like I am, as long as you're ready, willing, and able to be a part of this change you wish to see.

"Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in an eternity. We have only this moment, sparling like a star in our hand - or melting like a snowflake."


Anything can happen to anyone. Life is unpredictable, and I've seen things happen to people who never had it coming. The only thing you can rely on in life is now. This moment. Nothing else should matter since its the only thing we're in control of. There's no guarantee that you'll have the same chance to do something tomorrow than you do now, to either succeed and become something epic, or fall short in an attempt to succeed, thus melting like a snowflake, one that is never the same as another.

"I shall pass through this life but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall never pass this way again."

YOLO. This is what its basically saying in an intelligent fashion. Every minute you waste are minutes you can never get back. I know it means nothing now, but when you get older, you're gonna see all the unimportant things you wasted your time on that seemed so important when you were young. You only have now to do something that actually matters. Look at me sounding like I'm a wise old man haha. Don't let me kid you, I'm making these same mistakes that I've been talking about, and that makes me doubly stupid cuz I'm aware of the error yet I still keep doing them. You only live once, and no one's gonna live that one life perfectly. Just try your best. Watch the movie Remember Me, and you'll see what I'm talking about.

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."

Talent is great. It could get you anywhere you want if you have enough of it and if you know how to use it. But all that is useless if there's no effort behind it. Any number multiplied by zero is always gonna be zero. That's how it works, and I've seen a bunch of talented guys fall into this hole, including myself. Talent won't get you by when things start getting harder, which it will. Hard work will get further than talent when the talent won't get up to even try or give up when things get harder. Talent is useless without a little bit of hard work and perseverance, I don't care who you are what kind of talent you have. You have to be able to take that next step.

"The people who are trying to make the world worse are not taking a day off...why should I?"

Take a look at the world we live in now. Its not perfect - it never was - and if you see all the wrong that goes on, you'd be a fool if you didn't even get an urge to try and want to do something about it. I'm not gonna see here and make a laundry list of all the sick problems I see in this world, because I don't have to. I'm sure you've seen it too, maybe even experienced it. Your conscience should be screaming to you to go out and make a difference. There's so many things that need fixing, and once you do it breaks again right after you leave it. That's why we can't take a break. Our world is plunging further and further into darkness with every passing second, and we can't afford to take our foot off the gas pedal.

"Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one."


Anybody can talk the talk. I can sit here and write a list of things that a good person should be. I can sit here and waste time, discussing what good people should be capable of when I could be out there showing it to the whole world. Actions speak louder than words, and good leaders lead by example before they start barking orders. Going out into the world and exemplifying the qualities of a good person will touch more hearts than sitting here in this blog and typing qualities of good people. Quit wasting time, instead of talking about what to do, go out and actually do.

"A person who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."


Screw-ups are a part of life; there's no getting rid of that. Whether that mistake is a choice or from impulse, it still adds on to your list of grievances. That's not a bad thing though if you handle it right. Learn from it, cuz that's how you learn throughout life. Every time you try something new, you're gonna screw up somehow (unless you get really lucky) and that's normal. You learn every time you mess up, you're gonna be a freakin sage.

"Learn as though you would never be able to master it; hold it as though you would be in fear of losing it."


Stay humble and hungry. When you're learning anything - in sports, school, etc - treat it like something you could never perfect. You learn and you learn, because you know there's no end to your journey. You can't perfect basketball. You can't master writing. There's no point where you can just say 'hey I think I'm good enough.' Even the best are never satisfied with the talent they have, because they know that good enough is never enough. And once you have something like that that's worth protecting, treat it like it's gonna slip through your hands if your not careful. Anybody can work hard and achieve something, but all that won't matter if you aren't able to cherish it.

"If you don't know how to live, why wonder about death?"

I find it so funny how people who are just sitting there wasting their life away scared of dying. Your life never began, dying wouldn't be an issue; there wouldn't even be any change - you'd just have your eyes closed this time! Being alive is not the same thing as living, and the only reason people fear death is because it ends the life they're living, and there's no reason you should fear the end of something you never had.

"Do not pray for an easy life...pray for the strength to endure a difficult one."


An easy life is over-rated. Yea its easy, but you get nothing out of it. In life, you get as much as you put in, and it will never be easy if you're putting in as much as you possibly can. Imagine if you could walk away at the end of the day from the hardest life you have ever lived. Think how strong you would be if you could. If you were actually strong enough to take a beating from the worst life has to offer, you could go through anything. So yeah, hope for strength, because you never know when life's gonna decide to give you a little test. 

"What a fool does in the end, the wise do in the beginning."

A fool learns his lesson and makes adjustments in the end after he makes the mistake. The wise makes the adjustment in preparation of the mistake. They don't wait till they screw up when they know that they could fix it now. There's very few wise people out in the world that I see, me not being one of them. Its OK if you're not one though, as long as you learn and move on.